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The Adventures of Captain Nipples and Poncho Ponchius Episode 1 For the love of a Cat
It was a dark and stormy night. The two criminals crouched beneath the darkened window waiting. Their plan was to break inside the chemical plant and steal Sulfur Dioxide to mix with Uranium. Why? Just because it sounded like fun. What they didn’t know of was the dark shadows that lurked on the rooftop next door. These shadows were black as the night and just as hung. The two criminals, whose names happened to be Shorty and Spanky, were hardened street criminals. The kind that had had to evade gangs of chocolate-craving women for years, while looking for their pet cat, Donkaforium. Man they loved that cat. But that’s another story that’s found at www.nakedcats.com. But back to the story at hand. As the two criminals got out their handy dandy window cutter they heard rustling in the bushes behind them. “What was that?” asked Shorty. “Nothing” replied Spanky, “Pay attention to what your own two hands are doing.” “Alright” said Shorty. The two criminals lifted the window without a sound and crept in without a sound. These two could do a lot without making a sound. But man did they have bad breath. “Would you like a breath mint?” asked Spanky. “sure”. The two men were now entirely in the chemicals plant. They pulled out their torches (that’s british for flashlight) and looked around at the 52.3 gallon drums oozing white slime all over the floor. “FREEZE THERE VILE SCUM AND BEWARE THE WRATH OF CAPTAIN NIPPLES!!!” As they fixed their flashlights on the shadowy form standing there they were overcome with shock. For there standing before them was a man in tights and a cape w/ HUGE NIPPLES!! And the man standing next to him had a see-through poncho on and a huge, well lets just stop right there. “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!?!?!” “We’re stealing chemicals and there’s nothing you can do about it Captain Nipples!!” said the stupid criminals. “OH YEAH!” shouted Poncho Ponchius, “ over our dead bodies!!” “Fine with us” said the criminals. The two gaseous criminals turned and grabbed a drum of chemicals and hurled it at our two heroes. Poncho Ponchius jumped in front of the Captain and shielded him from the deadly chemicals with his double-coated urethane poncho. But unfortunately for him he wasn’t wearing any pants. As Poncho Ponchius collapsed into Captain Nipples’ arms he gasped out, “win won for the Gipper”, and then Poncho Ponchius died. “NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” cried the Captain, but as he got to the 3 exclamation mark his asthma got the best of him and he had to get out his inhaler. “Are you okay?” asked Spanky. “Yeah, Yeah. I’m fine. But you stupid criminals you aren’t at the chemical plant. You’re taking the food out of the Kasey College Cafeteria! THINK OF THE KIDS!!! NOW YOU WILL FACE THE FURY OF MY NIPPLES!!!!!!” And then the lactic acid flew. The criminals screamed. The chemicals exploded. The cafeteria burst into flames. The little dog laughed to see such a sport, and the dish ran away with the spoon. As Captain Nipples and Poncho Pontius walked away from the burning building the Captain turned to his little buddy and asked him the question that he has become famous for. “So....you wanna go get a sandwich?”
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