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The Adventures of Captain Nipples and Poncho Ponchius

Episode 3

Viva La France!

 

We join our heroes on their vacation in the great land of France. As the two stand and stare at the enormous Eiffel Tower Captain Nipples remarked, “Boy I would like to be that big.” Poncho exclaimed excitedly, “I would have to get a bigger poncho.” Suddenly the two noticed terrorists repelling down from the top of the tower planting plastic explosives as they went along. “How will we ever stop them,” asked Poncho. “I cannot fly. You can, and you cannot carry me because we are on vacation and we cannot do any work.” As the two stood there and pondered for a moment a crowd gathered and began snapping photographs and asking for autographs. Our two superheroes were momentarily distracted but quickly regained their composure. Suddenly Poncho was struck Hard with a stroke of brilliance! He pulled out a sticky adhesive and began to spread it on his hands and feet and climbed up the tower using this sticky solution to grip the metal protrusions. Captain Nipples glanced first at the adhesive and noticed it was nothing more than cheese whiz from the Kasey College cafeteria, then he glanced up at Poncho climbing the tower and said, “Boy what a view.” Then the captain took flight and quickly reached the top of the tower. He began to repel down the side of the tower taking off the explosives and pieces of his clothing as he went. Being such a fast superhero he was soon caught up to his sidekick who was fighting the terrorists. And as usual Poncho Ponchius wasn’t wearing any pants. “Here hold the explosives while I fight for a while” said the Captain. As Poncho grabbed the explosives he began to fall, for he had forgotten that he could not fly and the extra weight was just too much for the sticky cheese whiz to hold. Poncho fell down, down, down still clutching the explosives as he went. But the Captain did not see. He was busy cutting the terrorist’s ropes. As they too fell; one turned to the other and said, “I love a good love story.” And with that they embraced. As the Captain looked over to enjoy the sight of the terrorists falling, he also spit because like every other man he liked watching his spit fall from high places, then he saw the horror! His partner lay dead, crumpled in a heap on the sidewalk below. His squished remains also reminded him of the cheese whiz from the cafeteria. This enraged the captain and as he clenched his fists he forgot that the controls to the explosives were in his hand. Suddenly, just as he realized what he had done, there was a deafening explosion and Poncho’s body was obliterated and the two terrorists walked away with only minor wounds (at first they were turned into newts, but they got better). The next day all of France turned out for the funeral of this beloved hero, Poncho Pontius. Oh there were speeches like you have never heard and all the ladies cried. As one lady was overheard saying, “Cry me a river, and I’ll pee you a stream.” The whole thing lasted till late in the afternoon, and since Captain Nipples had not had anything to eat all mourning, Captain Nipples asked his partner, “Do you wanna go get a sandwich?”

 

THE END?