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The Adventures of Captain Nipples and Poncho Ponchius

Episode 5

Soup's ON!

 

This is a story of a dark and sinister nature. A story that will make little children scream and chickens run in terror. This is the story of EVIL CAPTAINNIPPLES!!! duhn, duhn,duhn.

AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HEAR THE SHRIEKS IN THE NIGHT! SEE THE DISH RUN AWAY WITH THE SPOON! COMING SOON TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU! Captain Nipples was not just an ordinary crime fighter. He did not just fight common criminals but the evil super villains as well. Some of his many enemies are Fatgirl, the carnivore, the Sell-Out Kid, can't play BASSMAN, Captain Gadzooks, MR. Extendo, Bad Ankle Boy, and the most evil super villain alive Herbie Miller. These incestuous creatures plagued Captain Nipples at every step and he was constantly battling them for the rights of nipples everywhere. But fortunately for us, Captain Nipples would always win. The criminals were getting very tired of this. Just imagine how it would feel to be constantly losing, never winning (like FUDGE the basketball team). It gets irritating (does irritating have anything to do with ears? cuz it sounds like it.) Anyway, one day Captain Gadzooks and Herbie Miller (just saying his name brings chills to the spine) one day these two evil men decided that it was useless trying to constantly defeat Captain Nipples. "It's useless trying to constantly defeat Captain Nipples," said Herbie Miller. "You're telling me" replied Captain Gadzooks. "He's just too cool." "It's useless trying to constantly defeat Captain Nipples" replied Herbie. "Shut up you stupid fiend!" cried Captain Gadzooks. "Haven't you gone and bought yourself a brain yet?" "What?" said Herbie as he passed out into a stupor on the floor. "Stupid head R.A. None of them a brain in their heads. Why I bet he would yell at me for something as trivial as finger nail polish." "Don't wear finger nail polish!" yelled Herbie as he rose from the floor with a wicked gleam in his eye! "IT IS EVIL, but I am evil too so that doesn't make any sense." And then a thought passed through Herbie Miller's mind like a bowl of Frito chili from the Kasey College Cafeteria passes through a group of male cheerleaders. "I've got an idea!" cried Herbie Miller. "We already know that we can't defeat Captain Nipples so what we need to do is clone him only this time he'll be EVIL!!!" "You may have something there Mr. Herbie Miller!" said Captain Gadzooks. "Maybe head R.A.s aren't so incredibly stupid after all." "Did somebody say BEANS?!?!" "Then again maybe you are."Meanwhile, back in the Nipple Cave Poncho Ponchius was just finishing his paper that had been overdue for a month while Captain Nipples was doing his morning exercises of lifting large weights with his nipples. Suddenly one of the weights came crashing down on Pancho Ponchius' head. After he said OUCH he died. "Oh well", said Captain Nipples "guess I'll have to make a trip to SIDEKICKS R US. Maybe while I'm out I'll get a sandwich." Meanwhile, Herbie Miller and Captain Gadzooks went to the Grayson City museum where a lock of Captain Nipples' chest hair was on display holding up a giant 500 pound anvil. Herbie Miller stealthfully and without any courage broke the glass partition. And the two brilliant yet incredibly stupid criminals made out I mean made off with Captain Nipples' chest hair. They went back to their secret laboratory that was in their bedroom (you know the one that their parents didn't know about) and started cloning Captain Nipples. The ingredients for Evil Captain Nipples are:

1 lock of Captain Nipples' chest hair

1 rusty nail

2 jars of dill pickles

3 toenail clippings

56 gallons of hydrochloric acid

1 broken low E bass guitar string (any guage)

2 teaspoons of chemical X

Stir in ingredients in a large vat on medium high for 53 minutes and 27 seconds. Then bake in a Captain Nipples shaped mold for 35 minutes on high or until done. You can see if hes done by prodding him with a toothpick and if he yells OUCH! you know hes done. Cool and then have him serve up a can of whoop-***. Only makes one serving.And when the vapor cleared there he stood! Like Captain Nippels in every way only eviler. And that my friends is how Evil Captain Nipples came to be. Tune in next week for the dramatic conclusion. Same Nipple time, Same Nipple channel.

THE END?