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The Adventures of Captain Nipples and Poncho Ponchius

Welcome Weekend, GO AWAY!!!

Episode 7

"Welcome to Kasey College," said the bright orange haired receptionist. "How can I help you?" This question was of course directed at the two strange characters in front of her with a baby carriage. To the untrained eye, these two people would appear just like any other newly-wed college couple. The husband was dressed in preppy, brown-noser, mama's boy, college clothes. He looked normal enough. His wife was dressed normally, too. She was wearing the latest fashions from Gadzooks, the store that if you don't shop from you obviously aren't cool and if you make fun of the people who do shop there than you get your testicles removed one by one (of course there's only two, but it still hurts). But man was this girl ugly! Flaming orange hair, a face only a mother could love, and bright red fingernails would make one wonder what the man could possibly see in her. If it was a her. For as we all know, this strange duo pushing a baby carriage was none other than Captain Gadzooks and the evil Herbie Miller.

"We're here to register for fall classes" said Herbie Miller. "My name is Herbie Miller and this is my lovely wife Amy." "Well don't you two make a lovely couple," exclaimed the obviously blind receptionist. "Registration is located right through those doors in the gym." "Thank you very much," said Amy Mill- I mean Capt. Gadzooks.

The two super-villains pushed the baby carriage (which of course contained the lovely baby Evil Captain Nipples) into the gym. That's where they saw the line. Never before in the history of man has such a line been seen. This line makes the lines at Cedar Point look like really weird looking hamsters (don't ask). The line stretched around the gym as many times as the digits in pi . The gym floor was dotted with tables where people sat; waiting for you to sit down so they could throw papers at you, yell at you to sign them, and then force you back into the line from whence you came.

"This will take forever!" whined Herbie Miller who obviously had no patience for anything. "Oh pipe down!" said his lovely wife. "Let's just ask this man in front of us how long he's been here." Turning to the man in front of him uh her uh whatever Capt. Gadzooks said, "Excuse me sir, but I don't believe we've met. My name is Amy Miller. How long have you been standing here?" "Hi Amy! My name is Kevin and I've been in this line since I was 18. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that someday I might be a great preacher like Bob Russell.""Weirdo," muttered Amy under his breath. Capt. Gadzooks wasn't sure about raising his child around such freaks as these. He might get some really odd ideas such as not killing Captain Nipples. He couldn't let that happen. He'd have to keep a close eye on ECN. And on Herbie Miller too, he thought, as he spied his fellow brother in crime urinating in the corner.

3 days, 2 hours, 6 minutes, and 56 seconds later the two super villains finally made it to the first table. "Hello!" screamed the lady behind the large stack of folders. "I need to see your file!" Herbie Miller promptly pulled the folder out of his pants and handed it to the crazy lady. "GREAT! IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU ARE BOTH BRAND NEW STUDENTS! WELL WELCOME TO KACEY COLLEGE! DO YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR CLASSES PICKED OUT?" Herbie Miller answered, "Yes. I'd like to take World History, Stealing 101, Earth Politics, Playing in a Kacey Band, and Metal Shop." "THAT'S GREAT!" shouted the old, senile woman. "AND HOW ABOUT YOU DEAR?" "I'd like to take Physics, Designer Fashions, Hair Design, Chemistry, and Learning How to Use My Brain 101," answered the lovely Mrs. Herbie Miller. "FAAAAAAABULOUS!!!" screamed the eccentric but kind-hearted old bag. "WELL YOU NEED TO FILL OUT THESE FORMS IN TRIPLICATE AND THEN TAKE THEM TO THE NEXT TABLE. THANK YOU AND HAVE AND NICE DAY!!!!" said the old maid as she started to faint from lack of oxygen.

As the two super-villains stepped back in line........

 

 

Attention!!

Due to technical difficulties this story has not been finished.

Therefore Captain Nipples and his trusty sidekick

are offering a reward to whoever can finish this story

 in the most Captain Nipplesque fashion.

Finished stories should be emailed to

both clew3@aol.com and TheSaint@iwon.com.

 

Remember to fight for the rights of nipples everywhere!!!

 

THE END?